HOOOPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEE

I saw this quote today:

H -Hold
O - On
P - Pain
E - Ends


Hope.
It seems quite fitting.
While hope signifies a new beginning and a new start, it also signifies the end of something else.  


I cannot even fathom what is in store for us.
Undeniably, it will be incredible.
If having a child means we have to wait, I can wait. It's the KNOWING that it will happen that makes this tolerable. It makes it tolerable to enjoy the presence of pregnant women. Without this new found hope and trust that everything will work out, I fear as though I may crumble.

I'm humbly hopeful,

Heather

Relief

I'm happy to shut the door to the past.
The dark place I once was only a few months ago seems distant
in my memory.
It seems surreal.

I've not allowed myself to get truly excited yet, though I'm beyond ecstatic.
Beaming.

We still have a long ways to go.
We haven't even really yet begun, but I can't wait to have it happen.
To have it be real.
To experience something so unbelievable and incredible that my mind cannot even comprehend it yet.

Anxiously waiting
until the day
that I may be called,
a mother.


- Heather

Thankfulness

Hurry up and wait.
It seems this way.
I literally want to do everything at once but have to be reminded to stop, slow down, and breathe.

It's been easier asking for help with this than I originally thought. 
Usually I'm stubborn.
Usually I'm stubborn to the point where it's not beneficial to be that stubborn.

So, to those of you who have honestly, openly, and lovingly opened your hearts to this, I cannot even express what it means to me.

This is a post of thankfulness,

Heather

FEES

I added a new link give you an idea of how much it costs to adopt a baby. This is why we are fundraising, looking for support, and asking for money!

We are not necessarily going to stay with Lutheran Social Services, but the cost of adoption is typically at LEAST 10,000 or more!

'normal?'

I'm starting to feel normal again.
I use normal 'losely', but I've regained some sense of myself.
I let out a sigh and it's relief.

We can actually plan for something. We can actually think about what might be next.

I do not imagine it will be easy or simple, as it never is.
I imagine this will be heartbreaking, frustrating, confusing, and tiresome.

It's different, because it means we will, absolutely, somehow be parents.
We will get to say that.
I will be called a mom.
Josh will be called a dad.

heartbreak, frustration, confusion, worries, money....

It's all a means to an inspiring ending.


- Heather

Overwhelmed

I'm excited but overwhelmed already.
I'm overwhelmed at the the notion that we will have to compete with other wonderful couples for the chance to have something that comes so naturally most.

I'm optimistically terrified.

What if...
What if...
What if...

Although the hope of adoption has lifted an invisible shroud that I've been carrying, it's replaced it with something different.

How long will we wait?
Will will be chosen?
How can we prove that we are ready?

The list is spinning endlessly, 
but at least the list is hopeful.

- Heather

Starting

Starting.
Proving that we're good enough.
Demonstrating our capabilities we know to be true.

It's a glimmer...
a small spark....
a beginning that will have a happy ending.

Confidently I can say this.

Adopting


- Heather, Josh, and the dogs